ive been thinking about one of the last posts i posted and especially the fact that i bolded ‘i know things i shouldn’t know’

i really know too much about my family and it’s stuff my parents don’t know about or haven’t told me like yh thx for that like i remember finding out about my half-aunt self harming and the reason my auntie broke up with my uncle and what my 2nd cousin removed ex-boyfriend does or did and it’s just sad my parents don’t tell me these things it’s like they’re trying to protect me but if i went up to my dad and asked why he knew my auntie had committed 3 times now and i didn’t we were so close as kids, and he never told me and when i rethink that over i get so angry but i can’t tell him because idek if he knows and that makes it worse as my grandad didn’t tell him it’s just a really bad circle and i don’t know what to do anymore because we can’t just ignore my dads side of the family and then my mums side is just pretending everything is okay and it’s just so so fucked up what has happened in the last 7 years has been catching up with me and i am so angry and so upset and just so so angry at myself because i could of stopped it i remember sitting down next to my aunt and her telling me about it when she was 12 and i was 6?? 7 and now everything has just been tipped upside down hah a i could have fcking stopped everything and not to mention we’re going down the shit hole and it was my fault for going to that shitty fucking private school 

i just fuck up a lot like so much and i just want to go back i wish she was still here tbh

i’ve blocked out all this stuff for at least 2 years now and now it’s coming back and recent events are just making it worse hhhahah